How I learned to stop worrying and love Shakira
I like The Pixies. I like Boards of Canada. I like Pavement. And I like Shakira. I genuinely like a lot of her music, and think she's brave and funny and a bit odd. Some of my friends laugh at me for this. But they're often friends who use the word "chav" to describe people.
I think the best way to share the love is to look at her video for Objection, which is infinitely more entertaining than anything po faced by The Strokes...
Shakira begins by enjoying a steamy tango with some no-good dirty Lothario.
But! Then he throws her to the ground and leaves, sparing her only a parting glance, even as she shakes her bottom at him!
Shakira's dancing then becomes very aggressive.
So she jumps in her car, her head barely popping over the steering wheel, and follows him to a bar, where he hooks up with his hateful, surgically enhanced girlfriend, Pete Burns.
Enraged, Shakira turns into a cartoon and charges the couple, punching out the dirty cheater and puncturing Pete Burns' breasts.
But we realise this was just a daydream -- what actually happens is that Shakira attempts some flimsy violence but is strongarmed by the lothario and then thrown into a glass table.
Then Shakira's superhero friends Zuperhombre and Guano turn up and save the day!
Shakira puts the next stage of her revenge into action...
Then takes a break to dance like a robot and play a B-52's style guitar solo.
And we realise that Shakira has the dirty duo tied up on spinning wheels while her band practises! Oh, Shakira, you wag. As the song reaches its climax, the wheels break free and the couple spin away, presumably to their deaths.
And Shakira ends the video with a triumphant little private Salsa session.
Moral of the story? Don't tango with lotharios and if you do, make sure you have some superhero mates, murderous intentions and kick-ass salsa moves. That said, I really don't like Hips Don't Lie. You can watch the video for Objection here.
PS: Yes, I do have a lot of free time at the moment. Why do you ask?
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(for the record, er, no. I am not shallow. Honest)